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How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It

Harvard Business Review

1.3M Views . 2023-10-05

Even if you don’t think you’re a natural (or you hate it), anyone can become proficient at this important art using the right tactics and behaviors. 00:00 “Small talk” is a misnomer for such an important part of communication. 01:07 Establish appropriate goals. 01:52 Give yourself permission to pause. 03:35 What if you feel like you have nothing smart to say? 04:24 What if I make a mistake or say something dumb? 05:09 What if my problem is that I have too much to say? 06:04 What tools can I use if none of this is natural to me? 07:53 How do I get the conversation started? 09:00 How do I end the conversation (gracefully)? According to Matt Abrahams, author of "Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot", key strategies include avoiding conventional responses in favor of establishing genuine connections, prioritizing brevity while delivering messages, and speaking authentically without the pressure to be perfect—which means daring to be dull. Fear or nervousness need not deter anyone from communicating effectively on the spot. Read more: https://hbr.org/2023/09/how-to-shine-when-youre-put-on-the-spot And there's more by Matt Abrahams on this topic in his new book: https://www.amazon.com/Think-Faster-Talk-Smarter-Successfully/dp/1668010305/ Follow us: https://hbr.org/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/harvard-business-review/ https://www.facebook.com/HBR/ https://twitter.com/HarvardBiz https://www.instagram.com/harvard_business_review Sign up for Newsletters: https://hbr.org/email-newsletters #HarvardBusinessReview #Communication #SmallTalk #CommunicationSkills #Career #YourCareer #Work #Business #Harvard Copyright © 2023 Harvard Business School Publishing. All rights reserved.

Small talk is often seen as a stressful social interaction, but the speaker suggests viewing it as a collaborative effort to keep the conversation going rather than a one-sided performance. By focusing on being interested rather than interesting, and by slowing down responses, individuals can navigate these situations with less anxiety.

small talk
social interaction
communication

  • Small talk, contrary to its name, is a valuable tool for connecting, bonding, learning, and growing. It requires spontaneity and collaboration, moving away from the mindset of a competitive exchange.
  • When engaging in small talk, focus on being interested rather than interesting. This shifts the attention from your anxieties about being judged to genuinely listening to and understanding the other person.

Insights from the YouTube Video Clip:

1. Small Talk: Not Just Chit-Chat

This video challenges the common perception of small talk as inconsequential conversation. It argues that small talk is a valuable tool for connecting, bonding, learning, and growing. The speaker effectively compares small talk to a game of hacky sack, emphasizing collaboration and keeping the conversation flowing rather than a competitive "hot potato" exchange.

2. Be Interested, Not Interesting:

The video emphasizes the importance of being genuinely interested in the other person during conversation. It encourages listeners to shift their focus from trying to be fascinating to being present and actively listening. This mindset helps alleviate the anxiety associated with feeling judged and reduces the perceived pressure to

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