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How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It

Harvard Business Review

1.3M Views . 2023-10-05

Even if you don’t think you’re a natural (or you hate it), anyone can become proficient at this important art using the right tactics and behaviors. 00:00 “Small talk” is a misnomer for such an important part of communication. 01:07 Establish appropriate goals. 01:52 Give yourself permission to pause. 03:35 What if you feel like you have nothing smart to say? 04:24 What if I make a mistake or say something dumb? 05:09 What if my problem is that I have too much to say? 06:04 What tools can I use if none of this is natural to me? 07:53 How do I get the conversation started? 09:00 How do I end the conversation (gracefully)? According to Matt Abrahams, author of "Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot", key strategies include avoiding conventional responses in favor of establishing genuine connections, prioritizing brevity while delivering messages, and speaking authentically without the pressure to be perfect—which means daring to be dull. Fear or nervousness need not deter anyone from communicating effectively on the spot. Read more: https://hbr.org/2023/09/how-to-shine-when-youre-put-on-the-spot And there's more by Matt Abrahams on this topic in his new book: https://www.amazon.com/Think-Faster-Talk-Smarter-Successfully/dp/1668010305/ Follow us: https://hbr.org/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/harvard-business-review/ https://www.facebook.com/HBR/ https://twitter.com/HarvardBiz https://www.instagram.com/harvard_business_review Sign up for Newsletters: https://hbr.org/email-newsletters #HarvardBusinessReview #Communication #SmallTalk #CommunicationSkills #Career #YourCareer #Work #Business #Harvard Copyright © 2023 Harvard Business School Publishing. All rights reserved.

Small talk is often perceived as a challenge, but it can be seen as a collaborative effort to keep the conversation flowing. Instead of focusing on being interesting, aim to be interested in the other person and their perspective.

Small talk
Conversation
Collaboration
Interest

  • Small talk is often mischaracterized, it's a valuable tool for connecting, learning, and growing.
  • The key to effective small talk is to focus on being interested rather than trying to be interesting.

Insights from the YouTube Video Critique:

1. Small Talk is a Collaborative Dance, Not a Competitive Match:

This insight challenges the traditional view of small talk as an awkward, one-sided endeavor. The video suggests small talk is more akin to a collaborative hacky sack game, requiring both parties to work together to keep the conversation going. By shifting from a competitive "hot potato" mentality to a shared goal of keeping the conversation flowing, the speaker emphasizes the importance of a more enjoyable and less anxiety-inducing experience for everyone involved.

2. "Be Interested, Not Interesting" - The Key to Stress-Free Small Talk:

This quote from a matchmaker highlights a crucial aspect of successful small talk.

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