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Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro

Big Think

6.2M Views . 2022-10-21

Dan Shapiro, the head of Harvard’s International Negotiation program, shares 3 keys to a better argument. Subscribe to Big Think on YouTube ► https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvQECJukTDE2i6aCoMnS-Vg?sub_confirmation=1 Get smarter, faster with our playlist ► https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5uULy4b0kV6dcSRjedcy3IymBytRT34Q Americans are increasingly falling into the “tribal trap,” according to Dan Shapiro, author of “Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts.” The tribal trap often centers on politics. Those ensnared in it will do anything they can to shut down the other side in an effort to prove that their side is right, just, and the only way forward. But from abortion to immigration, the problem is often not what we’re arguing about, it’s how. So, how can we have more productive conversations? In this Big Think interview, Shapiro uses his negotiating expertise to outline several strategies to escape the tribal trap and communicate effectively, including understanding the core values of the other side, listening intently to what they’re saying, conveying that you understand what they’re saying, and finding common ground. Get Dan Shapiro's book, “Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts” ► https://www.amazon.com/Negotiating-Nonnegotiable-Resolve-Emotionally-Conflicts/dp/0143110179/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/personal-growth/harvard-negotiator-explains-how-to-argue ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Dan Shapiro: The founder and director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program, Daniel Shapiro teaches a highly evaluated course on negotiation at Harvard College; instructs psychology interns at Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital; and leads executive education sessions at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, Harvard Kennedy School, and Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital. He also has served on the faculty at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy, Tufts University, and at the Sloan School of Management at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. He is author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable, which Matthew Bishop of the Economist Group called “quite simply, the best book I have ever read on negotiating in situations of extreme conflict.” He also is coauthor with Roger Fisher of the negotiation classic “Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Read more of our stories on negotiation: What is tactical empathy and how can it help in negotiations at work? ► https://bigthink.com/smart-skills/tactical-empathy-work-negotiations/ 5 laws for leaders who want to build trust ► https://bigthink.com/plus/5-laws-for-leaders-who-want-to-build-trust/ Theory of mind: What chess and drug dealers can teach you about manipulation ► https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/chess-theory-of-mind-manipulation/ About Big Think | Smarter Faster™ ► Big Think The leading source of expert-driven, educational content. With thousands of videos, featuring experts ranging from Bill Clinton to Bill Nye, Big Think helps you get smarter, faster by exploring the big ideas and core skills that define knowledge in the 21st century. ► Big Think+ Make your business smarter, faster: https://bigthink.com/plus/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Want more Big Think? ► Daily editorial features: https://bigthink.com/popular/ ► Get the best of Big Think right to your inbox: https://bigthink.com/st/newsletter ► Facebook: https://bigth.ink/facebook ► Instagram: https://bigth.ink/Instagram ► Twitter: https://bigth.ink/twitter

The speaker, a conflict resolution expert, discusses the emotional impact of conflict and emphasizes the need to understand the 'how' of arguing, not just the 'what.' The key is to overcome three barriers: identity, appreciation, and affiliation, with identity being the source of intense emotional reactions during arguments.

conflict resolution
identity
appreciation
affiliation

  • The speaker identifies the issue of how to argue effectively in emotionally charged situations, focusing on political conflicts as an example.
  • They highlight the common problem of 'tribalism' in which people immediately reject opposing viewpoints, leading to unproductive arguments.

Insights from the YouTube Video Text:

1. Why Do We Get So Emotional in Arguments?

The speaker highlights the emotional nature of conflict, explaining that it often stems from a deeper issue: identity. When our core values and beliefs are challenged, we feel threatened, leading to heightened emotional responses.

2. The Importance of Understanding Identity in Conflict:

Understanding one's own values and beliefs is crucial for navigating conflict. By recognizing the underlying motivations for our positions, we can better manage our emotions and remain balanced even when confronted with opposing viewpoints.

3. The Power of Appreciation in Resolving Conflict:

While we all desire to be appreciated, the speaker emphasizes the importance of extending appreciation to those with opposing

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