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The Problem With Being “Too Nice” at Work | Tessa West | TED

TED

521.1K Views . 2024-05-29

Are you "too nice" at work? Social psychologist Tessa West shares her research on how people attempt to mask anxiety with overly polite feedback — a practice that's more harmful than helpful — and gives three tips to swap generic, unhelpful observations with clear, consistent feedback, even when you feel awkward. If you love watching TED Talks like this one, become a TED Member to support our mission of spreading ideas: https://ted.com/membership Follow TED! X: https://twitter.com/TEDTalks Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted Facebook: https://facebook.com/TED LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks The TED Talks channel features talks, performances and original series from the world's leading thinkers and doers. Subscribe to our channel for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit https://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. Watch more: https://go.ted.com/tessawest https://youtu.be/HrCbXNRP7eg TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com #TED #TEDTalks #work

The speaker, a social psychologist, studies uncomfortable social interactions. They measure verbal and nonverbal behavior, as well as physiological responses like heart rate and blood pressure. They found that people tend to become more anxious and exhibit nonverbal cues like fidgeting and avoiding eye contact in these situations, even while trying to be polite.

social interactions
awkwardness
nonverbal behavior
physiological responses
heart rate
blood pressure

  • The speaker, a social psychologist, studies uncomfortable social interactions by observing both verbal and nonverbal behaviors, as well as physiological responses.
  • They use lab experiments to measure these responses, including heart rate, blood pressure, and nonverbal cues like fidgeting, eye contact, and tone of voice.

Insights from the YouTube Video Clip:

1. Awkwardness and Niceness: A Surprising Paradox?

The video clip raises an intriguing question: why are we often more polite and generic when we are feeling most anxious and uncomfortable? It challenges the common perception that discomfort leads to rudeness or defensiveness. This intriguing observation points towards a potential deeper psychological mechanism at play.

2. The Science of Uncomfortable Social Interactions

The clip highlights the scientific approach to studying awkward social interactions. By focusing on verbal communication, nonverbal behavior, and physiological responses, researchers gain valuable insights into the complex nature of these experiences.

3. Measuring the "Under-the-Skin" Response

The presenter describes using

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